[REVIEW] The Weight of Zero

title: The Weight of Zero

author: Karen Fortunati

genre: young adult, contemporary
published: October 11th 2016 by Delacorte Press
my copy: hardcover, 400 pages
purchase: Amazon | B&N | Book Depository
rating: 4 / 5 stars
goodreads

Seventeen-year-old Catherine Pulaski knows Zero is coming for her. Zero, the devastating depression born of Catherine’s bipolar disorder, almost triumphed once; that was her first suicide attempt. 

Being bipolar is forever. It never goes away. The med du jour might work right now, but Zero will be back for her. It’s only a matter of time. 

And so, in an old ballet-shoe box, Catherine stockpiles medications, preparing to take her own life before Zero can inflict its living death on her again. Before she goes, though, she starts a short bucket list. 

The bucket list, the support of her family, new friends, and a new course of treatment all begin to lessen Catherine’s sense of isolation. The problem is, her plan is already in place, and has been for so long that she might not be able to see a future beyond it. 

This is a story of loss and grief and hope, and how some of the many shapes of love—maternal, romantic, and platonic—affect a young woman’s struggle with mental illness and the stigma of treatment.

Catherine is a main character you'll love and wish good things for.

This has been on my tbr since I saw it waaaay back in 2016. Without reading the synopsis and reviews about it, I honestly thought it has something to do with eating disorder or being too light on weight (which I think I would relate to) but oh hecc I was wrong. I checked the synopsis eventually and yeah, I'm still interested especially since I don't think I've read anything that involves bipolar disorder.

The Weight of Zero follows Catherine who was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. She's also been made aware that being bipolar isn't something that will go away after a few medications or therapy sessions. Thus, she decided that she would just stockpile on her medications and take her own life before she reaches the point when she thinks she can't handle things. 

This started quite slow for me since I question why Catherine continuously ignore the things that people tell her, their advice, their positivity and such. Then reading further on, it really caught up to me that, hey I guess it's something that's really just there. It's what she's dealing with and somehow I think I can see and understand her. The mind is such a powerful thing that it can bring us up or down easily that when it's really just there trying to pull us into a specific thought, we tend to fixate on that and that's how difficult her situation she is. I know I cannot be perfectly on point with that but that's how my head wraps it around (if I'm even writing my thoughts right. idk). 

At the beginning, I thought this is going to be some YA novel that will use romance to push the story forward but I was completely wrong. Here are a few things I like about this: (1) While it did involve a bit of romance, the book used it as one of the things that could help or guide Catherine in navigating through her struggles; (2) I think that the romance, friendship, and mother-daughter relationship are done really well. They're well balanced and really contributed to Catherine's development, (3) the inclusion of the WWII project that helped Catherine further see her struggle in a different light, (4) the things that makes Catherine think the way she thinks are really written well. You'll see why she's struggling with trusting someone she just met, why she can't just disclose her condition, and what triggered her condition to come out; (5) the climax/resolution was really, really done well. I cried parts of it and I was really out there cheering for Catherine and wanting to hug her at the same time. I like how everything slowly fell down on her and how she slowly started absorbing and understanding things. It may have taken her so long to really take in what other people have been telling her and at the end, it all just feels so well done for me.

OVERALL, The Weight on Zero is a good book. It's about Catherine's struggle with bipolar disorder. And while I cannot say anything about accuracy of the representation, I'm just happy I read this and somehow there are things I really took from this. I still highly recommend this because I think that it's well written and Catherine is a main character you'll love and wish good things for.

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